When would you NOT want to receive a marriage proposal?
spaghetti night doomsday Squirrel Appreciation Day Wednesday the feast of St. Cawrdaf trash night the day of the Jackal
There's a sale at Wal-Mart! What do you buy in bulk?
bowling balls popcorn streamers velvet Elvis paintings flashing chili pepper lights tighty-whities Klingon bat'leths pine-scented air fresheners
Who would you like to drink a beer with?
the Three Tenors Ron Paul Ugly Betty the entire cast of Desperate Housewives Lord Voldemort Duff Man drunk cousin Barnaby
Most likely to get your kids excited?
snow days string cheese Zak from High School Musical frozen Dibs Jack Sparrow SpongeBob puffer fish
Which would you pay to see Dick Cheney in?
bunny slippers iron lung gorilla costume Carmen Miranda-style fruit basket headdress Jimmy Choos inflatable sumo wrestler suit plus fours
Which would you pay NOT to see Condi Rice in?
Sansabelt slacks ski goggles handlebar moustache grandmother's corset manic phase cheerleader outfit slinky black number
If Hamlet showed up at your house, what activity would he be likely to engage in?
foot massage crying jag game of backgammon 'Who's the Boss?' marathon on cable pointless digression sword fight session of navel-gazing
The answer is: "The Spice Girls reunion." The question is: "What's..."
such a big deal so funny shakin' slithering up the drainpipe giving me that splitting headache hiding in the closet making that dripping noise
What's your white elephant gift for the office party this year?
Whitman's sampler Publisher's Clearinghouse letter furry toilet seat unopened package from Aunt Louisa jumbo bag of salted cashews 'Oscar goes to' envelope shrink-wrapped pig's feet
Favorite landscaping feature?
lawn jockeys bust of Socrates my prized gladeoluses rusting El Camino drive-thru Starbucks pet cemetery shrine to Jim Morrison
How would you like to arrive at the Oscars?
flying carpet white stretch Hummer clown car rift in the space-time continuum Smart Car replica of the General Lee Tardis
This one's easy: what rhymes with "Zaire"?
cases of beer Death-Eaters, all with a sneer ravenous deer facsimiles of van Gogh's ear reenacters dressed like Paul Revere commoners and a peer frat boys in coconut brassieres
How would you describe your high school gym teacher?
sweet and sour drunk and belligerent hairy and brutish foul-mouthed and flatulent battered and fried fair and balanced smarmy and puckered
Least favorite guest at your holiday dinner:
that guy uncle Maury, and that tramp he married David Hasselhof Mama Cass those canvassers from PIRG Conan the Barbarian Celine Dion
